Mozzarella Mustard Meatball Marinara Madness

Italian-style meatballs are a true comfort food. There’s something undeniably joyful about sitting down to a big plate of spaghetti meatballs, slathered in sauce and cheese. That dangling participle was just for you, grammar nerds. But you know what isn’t just for grammar nerds? These marvellous marinated meaty miracles with a mild mustard makeup.

I know what you’re thinking. “Is there anything more appetising than alliteration?”. How ‘bout rich, flavourful meatballs soaking in a tomato and red wine sauce, covered in a blanket of grilled mozzarella cheese… That do anything for you?

In all seriousness though, I did actually come up with the idea of packing these meatballs with dijon mustard when I was pondering a way to gratuitously shoehorn another word starting with ‘M’ into the title. True story.

Should I really be taking cooking advice from you?

3 Cheese, Courgette and Rosemary Pasta

The last tendrils of a fading winter are clawing at the door, the world outside my rain streaked window is one of steely greys and bending boughs.

It's still cold as balls out there.

Spring has most certainly not sprung, and I ain't coming out until it does. So with food being the cure for pretty much everything wrong with this latitude, I've been eating a lot of comfort grub lately. That's where this little creamy, cheesy number comes in.

Don't worry, it's got like... an orange... vegetable and a... a green vegetable in there somewhere. So that's like, most of your 5 a day right there! Just make up the other three with cheese. That's how it works, right?

Yes. Yes it is.

East Meets West: Plum Duck and Sausage Pizza Dumplings

Dumplings. Hot damn do I love me some dumplings. And with it being Chinese New Year up in this joint, I decided to make my own for dinner. What could go wrong?

It was halfway through my 8th pork dumpling dipped in vinegar and soy sauce that I realised serving them as a main course could actually be a violation of the Geneva Convention. There’s no taste variation, they’re waaaay more filling than you remember them, and they pretty quickly become a chore to keep eating. The law of diminishing returns is strong with these. But I still really wanted a way to make dumplings work as a main, because they're too much effort for just a starter or side.

So I mooched around for a day, wondering how I could make them better. More than one flavour would help, but most dumplings still wind up tasting pretty similar to a western palette. Which is when it struck me: Don't confine yourself to just Asian flavourings. So I made one set of dumplings inspired by shredded duck pancakes, and the other... by pizza. East meets west. Italianese!

The second problem I found with dumplings from my first attempt was how repetitive it is to make the damn wrappers (and no, I won't just buy them from the shop! What kind of operation do you think I'm running here?). But I solved that too, as you will see.

You truly are a visionary. The hero we need, but don’t deserve.

Tangy Chorizo, Parsnip and Orange Tagliatelle

Freakishly fast yet fabulously fancy, this quirky pasta can be thrown together in no time at all, and has a taste like none other. It’s super comforting, slightly sweet, and slightly spicy. But unfortunately, much like the Matrix, no one can be told exactly how Chorizo-Parsnip-Orange-Pasta tastes… You have to eat it for yourself.

If you want to turn up the dial to 11 on the fancy-o-meter, you can try to make your own fresh pasta to go with it, like in this Oxtail and Pappardelle recipe. But the beauty of this dish is in its speed, and dried pasta works just fine.

The extraordinarily perceptive amongst you may have spotted that I’ve used green tagliatelle. It should be noted that green pasta of any kind is neither healthier nor (as you may have been led to believe) more eco-friendly than ordinary pasta. Practically a breach of deceptive labelling laws, if you ask me. The tiny amount of spinach used for colouring is simply for a bit of flair. And don’t the green and orange just go marvellously together? Excuse me for a moment while I salute the Irish flag, as is customary when weeping tears of pure patriotic pride.

Slightly less customary is putting orange juice in your pasta, but that’s exactly what I’ve done here. It’s a real kick in the ass for your tastebuds, which I love. And if that’s not something you love too, boy are you in the wrong corner of the internet. So… ready to have your mind blown?

Heck, I’m up for anything. Let’s give it a shot!

Winter Warmers 3: Seafood, Asparagus and Fried Mushroom Risotto

This is the third in a series of three meals which are perfect for the cold winter months. The first two (Chicken Paprikás and Moules Frites) feed into this one by providing the ultimate stock, so you can try making all three in one week to get the most out of them. You can of course cook this dish with commercial stock, but where’s the fun in that?

You know how you cook rice by sticking the little grains in hot water, so they absorb it and get all fat? Risotto is basically the result of some genius saying “Hey, what if instead of absorbing water, they absorbed something that tastes a little less of absolutely nothing?”.

Today, we salute that genius by cooking rice in something that tastes of absolutely everything. Wine, vegetables, chicken, cream and seafood. Sound good?

Let’s make ‘em proud.

Pumpkin Gnocchi with Sage and Crispy Garlic Breadcrumbs

Look at me, being all seasonal! I was going to call this Pumpkin Gnocchi with Pumpkin Sauce and Extra Pumpkin, but I thought that might be overdoing it a little. If your only previous experience with pumpkin anything is in latte or lantern form, prepare to have your mind blown. But even if you’re a regular pumpkin eater, this gnocchi recipe is damn awesome. It can be made with pretty much any squash (butternut, gem, kabocha), but seeing as the shops are currently infested with those big orange bastards…

Brown butter, sage and pumpkin is apparently a classic combination. Who knew? But throwing in the crispy breadcrumbs really adds to the flavour, as well as giving a great crunch. Lemon with pumpkin is used a lot in desserts, so squeezing some on at the end lifts the whole…

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Shhh. You had me at gnocchi.

Three Meat Lasagne with Handmade Pasta and Crème Fraîche

I won’t lie, this started out as an attempt at a 1 hour lasagne. I feel there’s a market for that. And while I considerably missed that target, the end result of 2 hours wasn’t too shabby, considering the pasta had to be made from scratch and rolled out. But using crème fraîche instead of making a béchamel sauce really does save time. I reckon if you used dry lasagne sheets, pre-boiled, you could potentially have this on the table in an hour and a half. But then you’d be reading a different recipe, on a different blog, wouldn’t you? As for me, I’ve a reputation to uphold.

I call it… Fraîche Lasagne. It’s a pun, see? ‘Cause it’s made with fresh pasta sheets. But it’s also made with crème fraîche. See? Do you get it? It’s GENIUS!

I’ve got chills. Really. Now just tell me what to do.

The Fantastico World of Homemade Pizza

Follow these simple instructions and you’ll never eat another frozen pizza again.

Pizzas are like sandwiches or résumés, you can put absolutely anything you want on them. I’m not going to stifle your creativity by telling you what should go on your pizza, I’ll just make some suggestions and you can take it from there.

Ah shaddapa you face!