Brandy and Chilli Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ho-ly butt monkeys. Let me tell you, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to make my own cookie recipe. Pfft, cookies? They have, what, 4 ingredients? Butter, sugar, flour and egg. How hard could it be to make the perfect cookie? Turns out, there’s like twenty variables. Butter temp, sugar colour, sugar crystal size, flour type, ratio of egg white to yolk, fridge time, oven temp, cooking time… you name it, it makes a freakin’ difference. Now I haven’t double checked my calculations on this one (or done any in the first place), but I’m fairly confident that there ends up being, like, a billion different possible combinations.

So, long story short, I may have just given myself diabetes this weekend.

But ’twas all for a good cause, for now I can present to thee… Fire Cookies! Sink your mind-teeth into these bad boys. They shouldn’t even be legal, because these sugary snacks are packin' heat! Plus, they’re like, totally not fit to drive. Brandy and chilli flakes, mixed with salted chocolate chips and toasty almond flakes. Slightly crispy edges, with a soft, chewy inside. Heck. Yes. Get festive on their asses eat those baked goods UP!

Seriously, the melty chocolate with the hint of chilli makes these the definition of perfection for cold winter evenings. There’s just enough heat in them to leave a tingle in your mouth, which has the magical effect of making you actually feel warmer. Plus the brandy makes them taste of Christmas.

But the best part? You can make them in the same amount of time as it takes to heat up the oven. No laborious creaming of butter, no chilling for hours in the fridge. Just mix, scoop and bake. That’s like, 20 minutes between the point that you realise you could really go for some cookies, and actually stuffing your face with them. Well, 25 minutes. Gotta let them cool first. Which, by the way, is honest to god the hardest part of the whole process…

You can call me Mister Cookie Monster.

The Birthday Cake

The first chocolate cake recipe I ever followed involved simply adding cocoa powder to standard sponge. I was scandalised and thought there must be a mistake, but was assured that this is how it's most commonly done. Years later, when I'd adopted the Tohellwiththat method of cooking, I just added a tonne of melted, high quality chocolate. No-brainer, really. It still rises perfectly, but it's much richer and not nearly as dry.

You don't, as a matter of fact, have to wait for a birthday to make this awesomely chocolatey, cream filled cake. A cake is its own reward. But for general health reasons, restricting intake to once a year might actually be quite advisable. Especially if you plan on eating the entire thing yourself. Which you will. I mean, if it's your birthday and you're making your own cake...

Teach me how to cake! I want to, uh... make it for a friend...

The Wonderful World of Homemade Ice-Cream

When describing a culinary delight, it’s customary to use an image of the meal after all of its constituent parts have been assembled, not before. I’ve made an exception here, because I really wanted to stress just how doable this is. Making your very own ice-cream may seem like a pipe dream to some, but it’s a very straightforward process. And there’s a hell of a sense of gratification when you’re scooping up an extra large helping of your very own creamy goodness ohmygod cooking is the dirtiest sounding thing ever!

Ahem. Perhaps the best part of all is that you get to completely define the flavours. I used strawberries this time, but once you’ve made the basic mixture, you can put absolutely whatever you want in there before freezing it. Alcohol is a great choice because (outside of the obvious reasons) it lowers the freezing temperature of the mix, resulting in a softer, easier to scoop final product.

Just hook it to my veins!