Calamari and Vodka Spaghetti

I’m a pretty big fan of reversing the concept of a liquid lunch. Instead of subbing alcohol for food, turn your alcohol into food. I guess a Bloody Mary is somewhere in between… Come to think of it, this is basically a cooked Bloody Mary, with seafood and pasta thrown in for good measure. You know what they say. If you like it then put a squid ring on it!

…Nobody says that, huh? Well they should.

This is a brilliant dish if you want to make something a little different, but aren’t really committed to spending much time on it. Or if you’ve ever watched SpongeBob SquarePants and thought “Man, I could really go for some squid rings rights about now”. And let’s face it, if you’re watching SpongeBob SquarePants, you’re gonna be feelin' them munchies pretty soon anyway…

The core flavours at work here are the cumin and the garlic, both of which go great with calamari (fancy cooking word for squid). The sauce is a little densely flavoured on its own, and when I first tasted it I wasn’t totally satisfied with the result. But as soon as you add a generous squeeze of lemon, the whole thing comes to life. I honestly just stood there with my eyes closed, chewing and nodding slowly to myself.

So, yeah, don’t forget the lemon. That shit ain’t optional.

Gotcha. Now let’s get cookin’!

Roast Pork Belly with Apple and Blue Cheese

I can’t even express how much more upbeat I become when the days start to make that noticeable shift towards getting longer again. Sunset at 4pm? No friggin’ thank you. I’m a firm supporter of the Human Hibernation Movement. Which, if it isn’t a thing, totally should be. Seriously, what are our politicians doing? Voice of the people my ass. But now that we’re into January, I’m already feeling more warmly disposed to the whole concept of, you know, getting out of bed.

Unfortunately, the weather isn’t similarly inclined. So it’s been cold. Wet and cold. And it will only continue to get colder. Wetter and colder. Hurraaaaay…

But lousy weather does have its upsides. It makes a great excuse to fire up the oven (or as I like to call it, The Ol’ Kitchen Heater).

Enter this brilliant Autumn or Winter recipe. I had a vague idea for this a couple of months ago, but the first draft was really lacking (read: it sucked). Which is unsurprising seeing as I basically dumped sliced potatoes and apples around a lump of pork and hoped for the best. Sorry, did I say basically? I meant literally.

But then the other day I was using up some cheeses that were in the fridge. When I got to a blue cheese, I was a little stumped. The first bite is always fine, but then it just gets difficult to keep going. The flavour is all up in your grill, and I can’t really handle it. Looking for something to soften the overpowering tang, my eyes trailed off towards the fruit bowl. And I was all “Bingo! Apples and blue cheese. That’s a thing, right?”.

Yes, past me. Yes it most certainly is.

Although the recipe is, as always, my own creation, a hat-tip towards Kenji over at The Food Lab is most definitely in order. His breakdown of how to get the world’s best crackling was the basis for how I roasted the pork belly, before adding the twist of surrounding it with apple and potato to keep the flesh from drying. The result is a piece of meat so tender that it would fall apart, if it wasn’t attached to that crisp, crunchy, yet somehow also juicy and chewy, amazing pork crackling.

I think I need a tissue.

Thai-Style Pork Ball Noodles

Trigger warning: chowing down on this may bring back memories of eating out of polystyrene bowls served by busy street-vendors while tuk-tuks whizz by. If you’ve ever been to Thailand.

My sense of memory is really closely linked to my sense of taste. I’ll get transported by a taste that reminds me of a crab dish served on the Seattle Space Needle, or a fresh piece of sushi from the side streets of Tokyo’s Tsukiji fish market, or a sticky pork dumpling in a Guangzhou dim sum house. And although this particular recipe definitely ain’t the way this dish is made in Thailand, all the flavours are exactly where they should be. And it takes me right back.

It’s not even close to authentic. “Thai-esque” would be a more accurate description. The genuine article is made using stock and involves separate cooking of the ingredients in different pots of boiling water, only combining them as they’re served. But the vendors making it that way are serving hundreds of portions a day, and are using the most efficient way to work on that kind of scale. You’re making it in your kitchen for maybe just yourself. So… not exactly practical to go full metal jacket on this one.

You can of course use stock if you have it made, but what I love about this recipe is that it’s so easy to throw together, and is packed with flavour as it is. It also does a kick-ass job of stocking you up with the tools to fight off those winter sniffles. Garlic, ginger, lime, protein and fresh veggies in broth. Everything the body needs. (Well, not everything the body needs…)

I dunno… Meatballs are a close second!

Cheater’s Steak and Chips with Garlic Broccoli

Ever have one of those moments in the supermarket where you just decide… Hey, I deserve a steak! I’ll be damned if I know what the heck I think I did to deserve it, but it was on special so you can be sure I bought it.

Steak and chips holds a special place close to my heart. Namely my stomach. It’s the kind of thing that just naturally feels like you’re celebrating something. Like the universe has just said “Here you go champ. Have a slab of meat for your troubles”.

And for anyone who grew up with a parent trying their best to instil good eating habits, chips were always a treat.

Why I love broccoli so much… that might take a bit more imagination. But basically it all comes down to a little movie called The Land Before Time. If you’ve seen it, you might already know where I’m going with this. There’s a scene where a small grove of trees, full of leaves, is discovered by our hungry, herbivorous heroes. In moments, they see it descended upon by Long-Necks, who strip it bare before their eyes.

So, I, uhh… Liked to pretend that I was a gigantic Jurassic beast, and the broccoli was a hapless tree. And, I, uhh… Maybe still do from time to time.

Anyway! Put all those things together, (and add garlic, because of course you add garlic) and you get one of my favourite comfort meals. The only problem is, good chips take a bit of effort. As awesome as these fries are, chipping, soaking, drying, blanching, then deep-frying are not always what you’re in the mood for at the end of a long day. Even if you just go for those vaguely disappointing oven chips, they still always seem to take about half an hour to cook.

So I found a better way to do it, for when you just can’t wait to sink your teeth into a plateful of juicy steak and thick chips. And even better, the whole thing is done in just one pan! Minimal effort, minimal clean-up, and tasty as hell. Heck yes.

I can’t wait to get that meat in my mouth!

Brandy and Chilli Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ho-ly butt monkeys. Let me tell you, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to make my own cookie recipe. Pfft, cookies? They have, what, 4 ingredients? Butter, sugar, flour and egg. How hard could it be to make the perfect cookie? Turns out, there’s like twenty variables. Butter temp, sugar colour, sugar crystal size, flour type, ratio of egg white to yolk, fridge time, oven temp, cooking time… you name it, it makes a freakin’ difference. Now I haven’t double checked my calculations on this one (or done any in the first place), but I’m fairly confident that there ends up being, like, a billion different possible combinations.

So, long story short, I may have just given myself diabetes this weekend.

But ’twas all for a good cause, for now I can present to thee… Fire Cookies! Sink your mind-teeth into these bad boys. They shouldn’t even be legal, because these sugary snacks are packin' heat! Plus, they’re like, totally not fit to drive. Brandy and chilli flakes, mixed with salted chocolate chips and toasty almond flakes. Slightly crispy edges, with a soft, chewy inside. Heck. Yes. Get festive on their asses eat those baked goods UP!

Seriously, the melty chocolate with the hint of chilli makes these the definition of perfection for cold winter evenings. There’s just enough heat in them to leave a tingle in your mouth, which has the magical effect of making you actually feel warmer. Plus the brandy makes them taste of Christmas.

But the best part? You can make them in the same amount of time as it takes to heat up the oven. No laborious creaming of butter, no chilling for hours in the fridge. Just mix, scoop and bake. That’s like, 20 minutes between the point that you realise you could really go for some cookies, and actually stuffing your face with them. Well, 25 minutes. Gotta let them cool first. Which, by the way, is honest to god the hardest part of the whole process…

You can call me Mister Cookie Monster.

Winter Warmers 3: Seafood, Asparagus and Fried Mushroom Risotto

This is the third in a series of three meals which are perfect for the cold winter months. The first two (Chicken Paprikás and Moules Frites) feed into this one by providing the ultimate stock, so you can try making all three in one week to get the most out of them. You can of course cook this dish with commercial stock, but where’s the fun in that?

You know how you cook rice by sticking the little grains in hot water, so they absorb it and get all fat? Risotto is basically the result of some genius saying “Hey, what if instead of absorbing water, they absorbed something that tastes a little less of absolutely nothing?”.

Today, we salute that genius by cooking rice in something that tastes of absolutely everything. Wine, vegetables, chicken, cream and seafood. Sound good?

Let’s make ‘em proud.

Winter Warmers 2: Moules Frites - Creamy Mussels with the Crispiest French Fries

This is the second in a series of three meals which are perfect for the cold winter months. The first two feed into the third (this sexy Seafood Risotto) by providing the ultimate stock, so you can try making all three in one week to get the most out of them. The first recipe, Chicken Paprikás, is here.

This is like Fish ’n’ Chips taken to the nth degree. Shellfish ’n’ Chips! Now, you might associate a meal like this with lazy summer evenings by the seafront, but here’s three reasons why it makes a perfect winter dish.

One! There aren’t many things as enticing on a chilly day as a big, visibly steaming bowl of mussels. Two! Molluscs spend the warmer seasons, ahem… “gettin’ jiggy wit it” (for serious), so they’re all worn out from the exertion. In winter, they get fat and extra delicious. Three! Well… it’s tasty, innit? Comfort grub, like.

Unimpeachable logic. I’m sold!